I didn't like today.
Felt like I was back peddling
Not moving forward and not even staying the same.
My nail polish is chipping after one day. My hair is not laying under.
Do I have to hire a hairdresser to do it? I ate half a dozen grasshopper cookies. Sometimes I wish I could just move away. Be away. From everyone
From Chad
From Dallen
And just sleep, and tan, and look beautiful, and go places where I can wear pointy high heels with jeans.
I think to myself that I'm so tired. So sick of playing board games at family get togethers. Of having the same conversations.
Of cleaning the kitty litter box.
Wanting to live in the country. Or revisit my past.
Geez.
Would I do things over. I'd been serious about school and never gotten that stupid Jetta. I'd have put $100 dollars down on the "18" in Wendover with Chad instead of min bet $1
I would have hired a proffesional hair dresser for my wedding instead of going to a friend. I would have tried out for Chorale in HS instead being intimidated by Sharla. I would have kept my braces on longer instead of insisting my ortho to take them off because I was getting "engaged" to Steven. Sometimes I just get sick of smiling. Sick of pretending that I'm happy all the time. And I mean in my core I am. For the things that are important. Happy with us. Happy with being a mom. But then I think about all the stuff I'm not. and I just want to go.
I just feel like I'm going down with the ship.