yuck I don't feel good. I really need to go see a therapist or something. That makes me feel bad... I'm like what 23 and I have been only married for 2 years but its just going no where. Why I don't want to do it... is because last time I did this it took alot of guts even to make the phone calls. And then nothing happened. Nothing got better.
Then I think to myself well its not abusive, he doesn't call me names and doesn't look at porn or drink alcahol. He never yells at me.
Last night I called a friend so I could drop something off and I asked her if I could and she was like "Yeah stop on by me and Shane are just watching a movie together." and then I got off the phone and asked Chad if he wanted to do something when I got back and he was like "not really" and it just kills me.
I waited my whole life to belong to a family and go do stuff and have someone to love me. And it didn't work out that way. I know he loves me right now. Because we are both young and have the energy to work through things...
But what if this continues for the next 10 years or so and then by then I'm just sick of everything and really really want to leave.
I don't want to get to that point. I do everything I can to help us out. If he says "I don't like it when you "nag" me about the computer... it just makes me want to stay on longer" So I've stopped asking him to get off but that just makes him stay on longer.
So then he says: "I don't like it when you come on to me..." So I just back off and let him make the moves and nothing happens for like 2 weeks. And it not like I'm some nympho.
I don't know what to do... I mean yeah I can call a counselor and make an appoitment... and I know he doesn't want to go and I can't make him. But then what if I fix everything about myself and he continues his shannigan. What am I suppose to do... make peace with that? Just live with it. Or leave him.
Thats why I don't want to go to counseling. I don't want to have to make a choice like that.