I can't sleep. I've been up since 2:24am when Chad's bladder decided to wake him up and tell him to go to the bathroom. Seriously that boy can not hold his liquids. It's a known fact that the Kendrick boys do not have big bladders. They all have to pull over at rest stops so they can go while the woman wait patiently in the car.
I started thinking about my family and worrying about them. I just want to say Dad this is how I feel... How do you feel? What can we do to have a good relationship? It's upsetting to see him with Sonia and Kathy acting like he has no other kids and just really not caring. I see all these pictures of Kathy at birthday parties and on vacations to Disneyland, New York City, and Paris. It just makes me sick to see those kinds of things. I'm not jealous but more... I don't know what to call it. Hurt and frustrated and sad. I just don't understand at this point what lesson I need to learn from this.
Do I put forth effort to have a relationship with my dad? Do I just need to let it go and focus my energy on something else?
What would the savior have me do? I really need to ask this more to myself through out my day.
I just really don't know where to start with my dad because I just don't feel welcome at his house. I don't feel like I can pop up there for dinner or say "hey we're stopping by"
Sonia just makes me feel unneasy and their is weird tension.
I try not to think about the money. I know that its not worth it. But then I see him buying new trucks and new ATV's, paintings, new furniture...
and it just makes me feel angry and resentful. Money sucks!