It's been so long since I've written in a diary. I used to tons in high school and I got one right before I got married to Chad but then I found I was only writing in it when I was upset with him.
So here goes nothin! I am looking forward to this weekend even though Chad will be gone till Monday night. Tomorrow I'm going to clean the heck out of my house and get caught up on all my laundry! Hopefully DBah will be a sweetie and help me out. Britta told me about a cool pumpkin patch so I'm going to take him over to it tomorrow while we get our carpets cleaned and have a little Mommy/Dallen time!
I love my little DBah... He's so frieken cute! Tonight as we were driving around for 3 whole hours (ugh!) I would look back at him through the rearview mirror and play peek-a-boo with him or ask him to do a sign and he would just light up! My favorite thing is to sing "If you're happy and you know it make a silly face!" and he'll stick his two little fingers in his mouth and almost gag himself...he's trying to pull his mouth apart and stick his tongue out.
Chad was really irking me but I just need to remember in those times to calm down and not get so upset. It just ruins my entire day when there is something wrong between us. At the same time though I hate it how I can't show how I really feel around him because if I'm angry then he just thinks I'm being a biznatch and if I'm sad than he thinks I'm dramatic. It's like the only way I can be around him is if I'm happy. I really don't want to go to bed tonight without him being here.
Jaustin and Jasmine slept over last night and Jasmine woke up in the middle of the night crying cause she had to use the bathroom. So I helped her to the potty and then I was like "come sleep with me in my bed" and so I pulled her in my room and she started crying again and I couldn't understand her. Finally I got her calmed down and she was saying between sobs "I want to go sleep by Jaustin" It was too cute. I layed there thinking about how if anything ever happened to Steph would I be able to adopt them or have custody over them. I just wonder that sometimes because she's not married and Billy really is such a crappy dad. I would fight to the death of me to get those kids!
When I had put them in the tub Jazzy had to get out all of the sudden to go to the bathroom. So she took a #2 and it was like adult sized. and so I was like "woah Jazz thats pretty big for such a little girl" and she just looked up at me and said in a very serious voice "yeah I ate alot of food today" I laughed my head off!
I feel better... I think getting use to these new hormones in my body from the IUD has taken some time. I just really want to be happy and have a good attitude. Sometimes I just feel like I have alot on my plate and I just want to be such a good person and do the right thing and then I just feel inaduaquate. I'm going to get some good sleep tonight though and dream lovely dreams of Chad and get kick my house's butt tomorrow and have fun with Dalley Boy!
~shellie